I’ve avoided writing here because I’ve fallen so far into a binge I can no longer see the light. I’ve binged every day this week due to stress. Doughnuts, sonic blasts, McDonald’s Frappes, pizza, diet sodas, you name it and I’ve inhaled it. I still exercised every day. Because all I could think is I have to start somewhere. Even if it’s a binge, even if I ate more calories today than I should have in a week. I needed to hold on to something. Even though my exercise barely burned off one doughnut, forget the other five that went along with it. It is at least something. Baby steps. I’m not going to get there if I don’t start somewhere.
Even the middle of a binge. I also have my monthly visitor which just adds to the cravings. I crave chocolate the way a heroin addict craves their next fix. I hate it. It is overwhelming. So I stress and binge and eat and guilt trip myself. Then walk 3 miles and cry the whole time. But it’s something. It’s 3 miles more than yesterday. It’s one less doughnut tomorrow. I will eventually get there.
Until then I’ll try to be less critical of myself. Learn to see the victories no matter how small they may be. Learn to love myself a little more today than yesterday and if I can’t, then at least to be a bit easier on myself. Slowly. Baby steps.